Forgettable, That's What You Are

All we were going to do was post a one-line joke about this pic:

Which, let's just get out of the way now: She looks like someone beat her in the face repeatedly with a fingerpainting kit.

Anyway, we realized we completely forgot to talk about her dress this week.

Oh, that's right. That's because it's completely forgettable.

Anyway, see you on the couch tonight for Episode 3, Dears!


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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The Rest of the Rest

Ew.

We guess it's supposed to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek but frankly, it's bordering on the vulgar and again, we're surprised the judges seemed to gloss right over it.

This is just a great big what the fuck. For some reason, the designers this season seem determined to do everything they can to make pretty girls look like scary clowns.

We just don't get it at all. Where's the "envy" part?

Hate it. Hate the rick-racky trim. It makes the whole thing look way too home-sewn. Once again, we have to ask: where's the envy part of this, Alexandra?

She's got it, yeah baby she's got it
I'm your Venus
I'm your fire
Your desire

It's just so bleh. So...undesigned. It's not ugly and it seems to be well-executed but when you're relying on the whickety whack to make your outfit, there's definitely something lacking in your design.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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The Best of the Rest

The PRGayBoys were in mild disagreement over this one. Lorenzo liked it a lot more than Tom did. It's definitely bold and eye-catching. But penis envy, Robert? Puh-leeze.

It wasn't an original concept, but against what the other designers were doing, it stood out. It's a little pucker-y but for the most part, it's well-executed. It's just the color choices we're not crazy about more than anything.

Wow, that bitch from e-bay really tore this to shreds. We didn't think it was that bad. Conceptually, it was very weak. You don't really get the envy vibe off it. It looks more like a wedding dress than anything else, especially with the bound hands resembling a bouquet. We're not sure if that was deliberate, but if it was, we'll give her points for being clever.

And the back makes a little more sense than the front, in terms of her explanation. Simplistic, sure. But did you have to make Nora cry, e-bitch?

Martinique, you slinkyfabulous thing, you.

Don't get us wrong, it's definitely costume-y and maybe not even pretty, but we were talking about this last night and we decided that this really is how Austin envisions envy. It just felt like pure expression of vision to us. The green heart is clever and the whole "Evil Queen" thing is totally Austin. Plus we loved the way he directed her to slink down the runway.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Jaysus Christ

Hey, you know what?

Jesus really knows his shit.

Oh sure, this isn't for everyone, but it's such a strong statement and it's so well-executed that we're surprised that the judges barely mentioned it.

In fact, we don't think anyone else did a better job of producing a garment that evoked "envy" more than this. For that alone, he should have won it. The bindings on the legs combined with the frantic, almost schizophrenic scribblings really set the tone for the piece. Even if we hadn't been told the particulars of the design challenge, we could have looked at this and made a pretty good guess.

And what really made it stand out was the witty way the piece starts off at the top almost conventionally light and pretty and gets deliberately uglier and darker on the way down. You can't not pause and take the whole effect in. Good job, Jaysus. And judges? Crack is whack, yo.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Cotton: The Official Fabric of Paranoia

Ignoring the silliness of cotton being the "official fabric" of Project Runway, could Cotton Lady's pitch have been more innocuous?

"Cotton is, like, totally awesome! You can dye it! Colors! Good luck!"

Uh...yeah. Thank you, Cotton Lady.

Of course, that may have been what we heard but obviously she was sending a message at a pitch that only drama queens can hear:

"Cotton is a trap, I tell you! A TRAP! It's the bitch of fabrics, and if you turn your back on it, it will drive a fellow designer to SABOTAGE! Watch your backs, bitches! I'm outta here! Just the SMELL of the stuff is driving me crazy!"

What other possible explanation could there be for Kevin's bizarre accusation?

"So...much cotton...

Something's...missing... I can't find...my...dye..."*

On that well-organized workspace? Color us shocked!

*Yes, overuse of ellipses is poor writing, but come on, he really talks like that.

"Cotton Lady is...in my... head. She said... you're trying to... hurt me. Cotton Lady never ...lies. Sweet, sweet Cotton Lady..."

"What? Stop touching me, freakshow."

"That sure is... a pretty color...Jay. It looks....familiar. I...sure hope...you didn't...do anything you'd...regret. Cotton Lady...wouldn't like...it"

"Why do you always sound like you're reciting Haiku? See this? My cotton! Mine! Now if you'll excuse me, I have to pinch one out and I'd prefer not to do it with the door open. Trust me, you'd prefer it too."

"Bitch clearly can't handle his cotton. Me? No, I've always dressed like this. Why do you ask?"

But wait, what's this?

"Lalalala. Here it is, Kevin. I just happened to find it. Over here, right where I'm working. What a coincidence, hunh?"

J'ACCUSE! How is it that we never noticed this before? That bitch took the frickin' dye!

"HAHAHAHA! Whoo! Sorry about that. It was just the cotton talking! Listen, do you have any extra cotton that you're not using. I just want to...you know...touch it..."

"I have a hot iron and I'm not afraid to use it, Bitch."

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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It's benign, but we're not.

In the Project Runway Hall of Shame, the "tumor dress" has a place of honor. Again, this is one of those designs that, two years later, PR fans still talk about.

To be honest, we're of two minds about this one. First off, the challenge was a bit of a shell game. The designers were given a challenge that could only yield purely conceptual results and after the designs were completed they were told that they needed to go out and sell them.

"Envy" is a design concept that would naturally lead to conceptual pieces that were less than pretty. We really can't fault Starr for her concept, although it did provide hilarity in the facial expressions of the people to whom she tried to explain it:

Incidentally, that 30 Van Dam guy is a cutie but is it politically incorrect to point out that we could barely understand him without subtitles?

So no, we don't hate the concept of a tumor dress to evoke envy. And even though the color scheme looks like a Christmas decoration circa 1968, we don't even fault her for that, considering she had to hand-dye the fabric on an extremely tight schedule.

What's wrong about the dress is exactly the same as what was wrong about Mario's this week: literalism. "Envy is a tumor that eats away at you." Okay, fine. Very poetic. That does NOT mean that you LITERALLY attach big red tumors to the dress in order to make your point. Starr, what were you thinking? No, the concept doesn't lend itself to "pretty," but at some point, she needed to step back and realize that she inadvertently forged head on into "grotesque."

With this week's and last week's challenges, it's obvious that the one thing Starr needs more than anything, is to cultivate the ability to edit herself. Three words, girl: Tone. It. Down.

Then again, what can you say about someone who goes around wearing a "strawberry ovaries" apron?



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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As The Laundry Turns

Hooboy! Wendy Pepper, bringing the personality disorder to the game! You have to figure that before reality television came along, these types of people were probably weeded out by natural selection. Sure, they're fun to watch, but you wouldn't want one of them sleeping in your tribe.

"This challenge was very important to me because I myself struggle with envy constantly. Of course we all do on some level, don't you think? Who doesn't want to set their neighbor's house on fire for having a better lawn than you do? Anyway, when the bad feelings come and everything looks red, I find a quiet spot and rock back and forth to plot my next move."

"Must keep sewing...must keep sewing...must keep sewing..."

"Oh fuck. I thought she was in bed.

Hi Wendy. Boy, I'm exhausted, right? This is just too bloody much for me."

"So to overcome the crashing purple waves of envy just outside my peripheral vision, always threatening to consume and drag me under to their black depths, where the bad people who want to hurt me live, I've devised a strategy of fucking with everyone's heads so I can destroy them and get them out of my way."

"Hi Vanessa...must keep sewing...must keep sewing...must devise strategy...fuck with heads... destroy them...get them out of my way...must keep sewing..."

"Uh...it's not much of a strategy if you're going around and actually telling everyone what your strategy is, Wendy."

"must kill Vanessa in her sleep tonight..."

"You're bloody crazy. Do you know that? I mean really, do you know that? Because everyone else does, but I don't think you've quite caught on yet, love.""

"Shut up, you snooty English bitch!
'Ooooooh! Oym VahNESSahh! Oy think Oy'm so bloody sophisticated because Oy 'ave an accent!'
Well piss off, Mary Fucking Poppins!"

"Are bad accents part of your 'strategy' too, Miss Streep? Do a German one now! I'm sure that'll bloody 'destroy' me, you Class A whackadoo!"

"I don't need this, you know. I'll just leave and take my rocking back and forth somewhere else, then. All I ever tried to do was be nice to you while I plotted your downfall, you...you MEAN HEAD! Well, I wouldn't sleep too soundly tonight if I were you, Princess Fergie!

cut and sew...and cut and sew...and cut and cut and cut..."

"I wonder if I can get Alexandra to switch beds with me tonight?"

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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