S1/E9: Congratulations Wendy.

Quickie recap: The remaining designers must design a red carpet dress for Nancy O'Dell to wear to the Grammys. Bitchery and backstabbing ensue. You can read Tim's Take here.

Ahhhh...the rage came back last night watching this, didn't it?

This is what muppet hookers look like from the back.

There's something weird about that bust. Somehow it manages to make Melissa's boobs look small while simultaneously giving her the oh-so-classy cup-runneth-over look.

To be fair, we don't hate the dress. From the waist up, it's fine. That skirt is...we don't know WHAT that skirt is. No, what annoys us is she did the same thing she did last week: looked at what the client was wearing and simply made a variation on that.

That is almost EXACTLY what the top of the dress wound up looking like, right down to the color. Considering that in the previous challenge, she thought changing the pocket positions on a postal uniform was "redesigning" it and considering that in the Banana Republic challenge, she managed to win it by basically lifting from the Banana Republic catalogue and shifting some elements around, we're forced to conclude that Wendy's biggest problem as a designer is...she's not a designer. She's a very talented dressmaker.

Tim, we're really starting to hate that you have the ability to look good when you're not posing at all. In fact, you look much better when you're not posing. Us? Christ, we have to do the whole Paris Hilton 3/4-turn-with-a-head-tilt before we can even think of letting anyone take a pic.

But enough of that, how about her little meltdown upon receiving a compliment from Tim?

It started off almost charming for a moment. Our split-second first thought was "Oh, she's REALLY been putting herself through the wringer, poor thing."

Then it got weird. The slowly dawning horror on Tim's face upon viewing this tortured display was comedy gold. It's only for a second, but that's because Tim has preternatural control over his facial muscles.

"Don't show it on your face, Timmy. Just back away from the cameras and you can go have good laugh in your office. Calm. Composed. They'll turn the camera off in a second. DON'T LAUGH AT HER. She could be dangerous."

Anyway, here's what that tacky, no-taste bitch looked like when she wore the outfit to the Grammys. What pisses us off, she did some major "tweaking" to this dress. If you're going to go that far, why not pick one of the nicer dresses and tweak them? She admitted that there were elements of the other three designs that she really liked. Tweak the top on Jay's dress or don't wear the pants on Kara Saun's. Both would have looked better - and WAY more importantly: age appropriate on her. She's got a great figure but the bottom line is, she's not a kid. She comes off looking like a mother at a Bar Mitzvah trying WAY too hard.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Shoeby Dooby Doo

Wendy, Wendy, Wendy. What are we gonna do with you?

The confusion on their faces is priceless. You just know they thought someone sent the model down the runway in the wrong outfit.

It's practically impossible to critique this outfit. Like sending a food critic to McDonald's. What can you say other than "It's a postal uniform"? Of course that's not entirely true. It's THE postal uniform. As in, the one that already exists. She even used the exact same colors and fabrics. Is there a creative bone in her body?

Wait, what? What is going on with those seams? This looks like someone's first sewing project. Actually, it looks like some reanimated corpse sewing project. Frankensewing.

Stern Daddy drew the short straw and the producers shoved him through the workroom doors to stage an intervention.

Look how gingerly he's handling that shoe. As if someone just died wearing it or there's still a foot in it.

Just once, we'd love to see Tim throw caution and diplomacy to the wind.

"I tried. She's tacky and talentless and she shouldn't even be here. What do you want from me?"

Meanwhile, Tim's little intervention awoke every personality flaw in her psyche - and they woke up hungry and screaming.

To the sheer delight (mixed with horror) of her competitors, Wendy has now become completely indistinguishable from the piss-covered crazies wandering the streets.

Someone's obviously getting strangled in the little scenario playing in her head. We just love the irony of her pacing back and forth, trying to come up with a way to defend the ugly shoes, while wearing...UGLY SHOES! Wendy, you are so metatextual.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Bring it, Bitch!

Okay, here's a shocker: we didn't hate this.

We didn't exactly love it, but it followed the dictates of the collection to the letter and you can tell she made the effort to make the piece look like the rest of the collection (as it was explained to her).

Granted, it doesn't look like she actually did anything but shred existing clothes and the fringe on the skirt brings it dangerously close to a Pocahontas costume, but all in all, it looks like what it was supposed to look like, a deconstructed, futuristic outfit.

Ann Slowey overreacted (as usual) and for some reason, tore into Wendy and passed right over designers who should have had their asses kicked by her.

For once, we would have loved to see Wendy pull out all the stops on her bitchery.

"Quite frankly it looks like my cat chewed up a ball of yarn and spit it out an hour later."

"Yeah? Quite frankly, that top makes you look like a Christmas ornament. An old Christmas ornament."

"Who did your makeup, Wendy? Ronald McDonald?"

"Who did your hair, Ann? Clorox?"

"I'm gazing into my crystal ball, Wendy. I see a lifetime of mediocrity in your future."

"Yeah, well I'm gazing at your forehead and I see hair plugs in yours."


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Babes, Bikinis, and Blue Balls

Once again, Project Runway treats us to the potent combination of designers, models, cameras and liquor. Now that's good television.

Dancing models in bikinis! With liquor!
Psychotic, possibly medicated model! With liquor!
Underage model with a body built for sin acting like a whore! With "grape juice!"
Heterosexual men trying to hide their erections on camera! With liquor!

How this episode didn't win an Emmy is a mystery to us.

It's like Gilligan's Island on Planet Gay.

We love how Heidi walked in like it was a surprise party in her honor and then no one paid her any attention. Everyone was like "Yeah whatever, bitch. You can't get me on Page 6."

Morgan seemed to like showing off her "scuba" a little too much, if you know what we're saying.

And we think you do.


We're talking about her vagina.

Melissa: Born to wear a bathing suit in a bar.

Oh, blahblahblah "Richard Johnson's a pervert!" No he's not. He's human. You put a bunch of gorgeous, barely dressed girls shaking their asses in front of him, of course his eyes are going to wander. It's not like he acted inappropriately and he even had the self-awareness to joke about not staring at their asses on camera. We applaud his restraint, actually.

But you just know he stopped off for extra hand lotion on the way home.

Excellent hand placement there, Richard. Your stiffy is barely noticeable.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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S1/E6: Congratulations, Austin!

Quickie recap: The designers have to design a bathing suit to be worn to a "fashion industry" party. While at the party, they have to "get the attention" of New York Post's Page Six editor, Richard Johnson. You can read Tim's Take on this episode here.

Congrats to Austin! While we think this is a pretty bathing suit, this was, for the most part, a bullshit challenge. Winning it had more to do with how well the designer and model could whore themselves rather than how well the garments were designed. And apparently, there are no 2 bigger whores than Austin and Melissa.

We love how this is what they cut to when Austin was describing his design. Call us crazy, but we're pretty sure that's what the inside of Austin's head looks like all the time.

Strangely, on other people they would stick out like a sore thumb but on Austin they're barely noticeable.

Like we said, it's pretty. It's also well-made and fully realized from a conceptual standpoint (the whole "wind and ocean" thing).

But we call bullshit on the statement that this is a fully functional bathing suit. Sure, if the wearer's only function is to stand and pose. Just don't try and tell us she can do a couple laps in the pool and come out looking like anything but a socialite who got too tipsy near the water's edge.

" So I swathed her in sort of gossamer, and winds, and rain, and the ocean." Really? Cause it kinda looks like you made that out of an old set of sheer curtains.

Oh, we're being too rough on him. It really is pretty. We just weren't crazy about how this challenge played out. Design a bathing suit! Great! But make sure it looks good in a bar! Uh...what?

And call us crazy (again), but we're starting to suspect that the only reason Austin applied to the show was so he could have someone do his hair and makeup for him everyday. He looks like he spent more time in the chair than she did.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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SayaNora!

WARNING! WARNING! We are heading into a bra-free zone! Please keep your hands inside the car and refrain from jumping up and down!

Poor thing. She tried to give her client what she wanted and what her client wanted was the fashion equivalent of one of those 99-cent greeting cards covered in glitter.

It's strange. Last week she was all about trying to assert her POV in a situation where she wasn't supposed to and this week she just folded without ever really trying to make the design her own.

Especially since she had a perfect opportunity when those damn roses came out of the dye looking so horrible. She could have just said to Melissa "I tried the roses but they didn't work."

Seriously, they look like cabbages.

We don't know if the previous week's drama tripped her up or what, but this doesn't even look particularly well-made.

Nothing says romance and new beginnings like a bunch of dead shriveled flowers. She looks like she walked through a graveyard on the way to her wedding.

And that corseting looks awful.

Definitely not well-made. That bodice is all kinds of puckery and ill-fittery.

Ah well. Like we said, a shame. Nora has talent and a stronger aesthetic than some of the remaining designers but it really all does come down to maturity and experience. If she'd had a little more she could have asserted herself in the design and been able to think on her feet and make quick changes without angering her client.

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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