A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants

"I CAN'T SING, I KNOOOWWWW!
AND IT'S TRUE I CAN'T SEEEWWW!
SO CIAO, EVERYOONNNNNNE!!!!
THEPRGAYBOYSAREWATCHINGEPISODE5TONIGHTANDIT
SHOULDBEFUUUUNNNN!!!!"


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Ciao, Vanessa!

"Oh fuck, did I just say that out loud?"

We didn't think she was the one who needed to go, but unfortunately, she didn't seem to be taking the competition as seriously as she could have and that became fairly obvious to the judges when she ran her mouth off on the runway. As team members go, she was among the worst, not for her lack of sewing skills but for her constant second-guessing of the team leader and her overt and too-often-stated dislike for the design.

Oddly enough, it was Wendy of all people who made the best team member, with her "Show me what to do and I'll do it." attitude.

As for the dress itself...

Oh, he just likes to pretend he has boobies.

Honestly? It wasn't the most original idea in the world but it was far more interesting than what Kevin's team produced and it was for the most part well-executed.

The "little girl lost" styling was perhaps a skosh too literal and if they had gone with styling that worked against the dress instead of working with it, it would have created a tension that could have made the whole look more interesting. As lame as Melissa's fauxhawk was, it probably would have worked better with this dress.

Still, it's definitely a look and an appropriately over-the-top one at that.

And as for Austin's leadership skills...

If they judged based on the ability to evoke the heroine of a 19th century novel, he'd have won this one cold. Just out of frame, turbaned Nubian manservants are fanning him with ostrich feathers to alleviate his grief.

Or maybe that's just in his head.

"...in fields of silk and taffetta. The sun will always shine over you and you will spend eternity making pretty dresses together. Now dry your eyes, little fashionista. It's what she would have wanted."



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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The Rest of the Rest

And the retro train keeps rolling along. Funny how each designer seemed to pick a decade. Alexandra: 1930s, Austin: 1950s, Wendy: 1960s and now Vanessa: 1940s.

We'll give her credit for at least updating a 1940s look instead of simply redoing it outright. We don't really like this dress, though. First off, it doesn't look particularly well-executed and secondly that neckline is a bit much. Nothing wrong with a plunging neckline but it's not something you'd see at Banana Republic and besides, all you need is a slight breeze to get her arrested on an indecent exposure charge.

That hemline does look a little interesting, but unfortunately we can't get a good enough look at it to judge either way.

Oy. Did she skin a muppet to get that thing?

This is a walking disaster. It's to his credit that he knew it. There's nothing more painful than an oblivious designer beaming proudly as their latest hot mess comes strolling down the runway.

We almost feel like there's no point in critiquing this since the episode made it clear that this wasn't so much a design as it was whatever was left over on the dress form after he spent too long experimenting. Although this dress was damned right from the starting point just because of his fabric choices. Faux leopard and ice blue charmeuse? Yikes.

We were never really on the Robert-is-a-hottie bandwagon, but y'know? Stress looks good on him. When he's not mugging for the cameras or acting like a doofus, he's downright do-able.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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The Rest of the Rest

Ew.

We guess it's supposed to be somewhat tongue-in-cheek but frankly, it's bordering on the vulgar and again, we're surprised the judges seemed to gloss right over it.

This is just a great big what the fuck. For some reason, the designers this season seem determined to do everything they can to make pretty girls look like scary clowns.

We just don't get it at all. Where's the "envy" part?

Hate it. Hate the rick-racky trim. It makes the whole thing look way too home-sewn. Once again, we have to ask: where's the envy part of this, Alexandra?

She's got it, yeah baby she's got it
I'm your Venus
I'm your fire
Your desire

It's just so bleh. So...undesigned. It's not ugly and it seems to be well-executed but when you're relying on the whickety whack to make your outfit, there's definitely something lacking in your design.



[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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As The Laundry Turns

Hooboy! Wendy Pepper, bringing the personality disorder to the game! You have to figure that before reality television came along, these types of people were probably weeded out by natural selection. Sure, they're fun to watch, but you wouldn't want one of them sleeping in your tribe.

"This challenge was very important to me because I myself struggle with envy constantly. Of course we all do on some level, don't you think? Who doesn't want to set their neighbor's house on fire for having a better lawn than you do? Anyway, when the bad feelings come and everything looks red, I find a quiet spot and rock back and forth to plot my next move."

"Must keep sewing...must keep sewing...must keep sewing..."

"Oh fuck. I thought she was in bed.

Hi Wendy. Boy, I'm exhausted, right? This is just too bloody much for me."

"So to overcome the crashing purple waves of envy just outside my peripheral vision, always threatening to consume and drag me under to their black depths, where the bad people who want to hurt me live, I've devised a strategy of fucking with everyone's heads so I can destroy them and get them out of my way."

"Hi Vanessa...must keep sewing...must keep sewing...must devise strategy...fuck with heads... destroy them...get them out of my way...must keep sewing..."

"Uh...it's not much of a strategy if you're going around and actually telling everyone what your strategy is, Wendy."

"must kill Vanessa in her sleep tonight..."

"You're bloody crazy. Do you know that? I mean really, do you know that? Because everyone else does, but I don't think you've quite caught on yet, love.""

"Shut up, you snooty English bitch!
'Ooooooh! Oym VahNESSahh! Oy think Oy'm so bloody sophisticated because Oy 'ave an accent!'
Well piss off, Mary Fucking Poppins!"

"Are bad accents part of your 'strategy' too, Miss Streep? Do a German one now! I'm sure that'll bloody 'destroy' me, you Class A whackadoo!"

"I don't need this, you know. I'll just leave and take my rocking back and forth somewhere else, then. All I ever tried to do was be nice to you while I plotted your downfall, you...you MEAN HEAD! Well, I wouldn't sleep too soundly tonight if I were you, Princess Fergie!

cut and sew...and cut and sew...and cut and cut and cut..."

"I wonder if I can get Alexandra to switch beds with me tonight?"

[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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Ripping the Runway

We would love to give each of these outfits more attention, but some of them are so boring we don't know what to say and Bravo did such a bad job of shooting them that we barely got to see them.

We will say that very few of the outfits are particularly wearable and most of the designers seemed to go for a more conceptual approach.

This dress is actually pretty cute, but she looks like she's being eaten by a giant plastic corsage. Oh, and we LOVE Martinique. She's (what else?) FABULOUS!

No. Just...no. It's ...uh...interesting? Actually, for what it is, it's well-executed and she did do a pretty good job on the styling.

Oh, come ON. She looks ridiculous.For all the scenes of designers frantically running around the workroom, none of these outfits look like they were actually sewn.

And what's with the rollers?

Okay, we're looking at the graphic and --- where are the "Jacks?" And what is the pink thing? Whatever it is, the look is a little unimaginative, but this was very well made.

We take it back. It's not unimaginative. It got more interesting the second she turned around. But what is all that stuff?

We tried so many ways to get a shot of this outfit but Bravo wouldn't cooperate. Could be that they shot it so fleetingly because Morgan is basically topless here. It looks interesting, though.

ZZZZZZZZZZzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Oh, we can't be too mean. At least it's wearable and Alexandra's so cute how can we be mean to her?


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blogspot.com]


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