The Rest of the Rest

Look! A sports car! Oh wait, that's a woman. We get the two confused so often.

Oh Robert, if women are like sports cars, you just sent a Pacer down the runway.

For someone who's whole schtick seems to be how sexy he finds women, he sure has problems highlighting their natural curves. The fit on this is terrible. It looks like Olga accidentally got booked for a plus-sized show.

WHAT IS WRONG WITH THE ASS-FITTING IN THIS GROUP? We are far from aficionados of the girlbutt, but even we could tell at a glance that that's not how it's supposed to be shaped. It looks like she has the suit on backwards.

We understand the concept of a bathing suit that's more for socializing than actually swimming, really we do, but this is a dress, pure and simple.

A cute, sexy, fun, on-the-beach or by-the-pool kinda dress, but a dress nonetheless. If Martinique hadn't offered to wear her own thong, this probably would have been a disaster.

Look at how constructed that thing is. We at first thought it was a simple wrap of some sort, but that has as much detail as your average bridesmaid dress.

The colors are pretty, though. A little sherbet-y, but this would look great in St. Tropez or South Beach - so long as it never gets wet.

And THAT

is an image we could have done without, thank you very much.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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The Best of the Rest

This was just okay, which is surprising coming from Kara Saun. The wrap is pretty, but the suit is just basic. And that bottom is poorly fitted. Looking a little Blue Lagoon there.

If she really wanted to be original, she should have sent this down the runway for the bridal gown competition. This would only be an improvement on Pam Anderson's last trousseau.

Props to Jenny for having the best body out of the models, though. Melissa's also got a killer bod, but Jenny looks fantastic in a bikini. Long and lean, with enough curves to make her look sexy and healthy.

We liked this. It was pure Jay. In what we surmise was something of a shock to him, Jay is actually quite good at marrying his aesthetic to the task at hand and always coming out Jay.

Love the straps and the bondage-y aspect of the whole thing, but we're not crazy about the wrap, which literally looks like he just wrapped some fabric around her waist.

And it's probably a good thing he did, because the cut on that bottom is all wrong. Way too Fruit of the Loom to be considered sexy. Judging by the various ass and cooch - fitting issues, it looks like making a bathing suit is probably harder than it looks.

Although apparently not as hard as figuring out how to put the damn thing on the next day. It looks like she got twisted up in a giant jockstrap.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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Princess Morgan in the Land of Make Believe

We don't get it.

Seriously, we don't get how this is considered a bathing suit. It looks like your standard slut uniform: Skin tight, low cut top with a uterus skirt. Who wears something like this to go swimming?

Ah. Of course. Clearly, he was designing with the crazy in mind. How much you wanna bet she deliberately let one rip in his face?

Whenever they give Morgan the smokey eye, it only accentuates the sheer craziness underneath. She just looks a little too Baby Jane here, y'know? And poor Kevin has been cast in the Joan Crawford role. He looks like he's fearing for his life.

Actually, he's fearing for his garment. Kevin, stop being such a doormat. Everyone there knew it was a bad idea to let her go out wearing that thing. Even you knew it. So why did you let her go?

"mwah. I promise I'll be good, mommy and won't sit on any boys' laps. Can I have your credit card? And some rubbers?"

Now it's like an updated version of Carrie, with the crazy mom and the homicidal daughter.

"THEY'RE ALL GONNA LAUGH AT YOU...laugh at you...laugh at you...laugh at you..."

And while she didn't get drenched in pig's blood (dammit), she did wind up doing exactly what everyone thought she would: trashing the garment. Quel surprise.

"Ooops. HAHAHA."

It would be bad for two grown men to post their fantasies about hitting her and never stopping, wouldn't it?

Wouldn't it?

And then she had the nerve to be all attitudinal about it. Is she not aware of the cameras capturing her every move and utterance? Or do the cameramen just blend in with the talking unicorns and dancing fire hydrants and whatever else parades in front of her eyes?

See, we think Morgan isn't necessarily the walking personality disorder she appears to be. We think Morgan can't tell the difference between real people and whatever she's hallucinating at the moment, so she just goes with the assumption that everything's just a figment of her imagination and she only has to pay attention when she feels like it.

It makes sense, doesn't it? In order for her to understand that she was appearing on a reality show, someone would have had to sit her down and explain just what "reality" is. And honeys, we can't blame anyone for not succeeding in that endeavor.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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Babes, Bikinis, and Blue Balls

Once again, Project Runway treats us to the potent combination of designers, models, cameras and liquor. Now that's good television.

Dancing models in bikinis! With liquor!
Psychotic, possibly medicated model! With liquor!
Underage model with a body built for sin acting like a whore! With "grape juice!"
Heterosexual men trying to hide their erections on camera! With liquor!

How this episode didn't win an Emmy is a mystery to us.

It's like Gilligan's Island on Planet Gay.

We love how Heidi walked in like it was a surprise party in her honor and then no one paid her any attention. Everyone was like "Yeah whatever, bitch. You can't get me on Page 6."

Morgan seemed to like showing off her "scuba" a little too much, if you know what we're saying.

And we think you do.


We're talking about her vagina.

Melissa: Born to wear a bathing suit in a bar.

Oh, blahblahblah "Richard Johnson's a pervert!" No he's not. He's human. You put a bunch of gorgeous, barely dressed girls shaking their asses in front of him, of course his eyes are going to wander. It's not like he acted inappropriately and he even had the self-awareness to joke about not staring at their asses on camera. We applaud his restraint, actually.

But you just know he stopped off for extra hand lotion on the way home.

Excellent hand placement there, Richard. Your stiffy is barely noticeable.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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Adios, Alexandra!

We didn't really think the judges had a good reason to auf her, so they made one up. The only design issue was that it was too small for the model to wear. Otherwise, it was a perfectly good bathing suit and better than at least a couple of the other ones on the runway.

Good god, girl! Eat a burger or something!

Are those...jingle bells hanging off her? If so, then we amend our earlier statement. There were two design issues.

Seriously, her ribcage scares us. This was a case of not considering the model's body type when designing the garment. She would have looked much better in a one-piece.

Of course, that really wasn't the judges' issue. They aufed her for being derivative. Thing is, that's a crock. You could have made the same argument about any of the suits on the runway. Jay basically started off by saying "I saw a suit somewhere that had a lot of straps, so that's what I'm doing." The only difference is, Alexandra actually came right out and mentioned her inspirations in front of the judges.

Aaaaannnd they basically look like a million other bathing suits out there. Meaning, they were "derivative" too. Silly judges.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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S1/E6: Congratulations, Austin!

Quickie recap: The designers have to design a bathing suit to be worn to a "fashion industry" party. While at the party, they have to "get the attention" of New York Post's Page Six editor, Richard Johnson. You can read Tim's Take on this episode here.

Congrats to Austin! While we think this is a pretty bathing suit, this was, for the most part, a bullshit challenge. Winning it had more to do with how well the designer and model could whore themselves rather than how well the garments were designed. And apparently, there are no 2 bigger whores than Austin and Melissa.

We love how this is what they cut to when Austin was describing his design. Call us crazy, but we're pretty sure that's what the inside of Austin's head looks like all the time.

Strangely, on other people they would stick out like a sore thumb but on Austin they're barely noticeable.

Like we said, it's pretty. It's also well-made and fully realized from a conceptual standpoint (the whole "wind and ocean" thing).

But we call bullshit on the statement that this is a fully functional bathing suit. Sure, if the wearer's only function is to stand and pose. Just don't try and tell us she can do a couple laps in the pool and come out looking like anything but a socialite who got too tipsy near the water's edge.

" So I swathed her in sort of gossamer, and winds, and rain, and the ocean." Really? Cause it kinda looks like you made that out of an old set of sheer curtains.

Oh, we're being too rough on him. It really is pretty. We just weren't crazy about how this challenge played out. Design a bathing suit! Great! But make sure it looks good in a bar! Uh...what?

And call us crazy (again), but we're starting to suspect that the only reason Austin applied to the show was so he could have someone do his hair and makeup for him everyday. He looks like he spent more time in the chair than she did.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]


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Episode 6 - Preview

It's bathing suit drama, bitches! Watch Jay yell at sewing machines here.


[Screencaps: projectrungay.blgospot.com]