Musical Monday: Summer Stock

Yes, it's Summer Stock! A glorious technicolor throwback to the simple days when a barn could double as a multimedia entertainment center!

Our story starts with Judy as farmer Jane Falbury. Once again, Judy allowed the legion of homosexual costumers to put her in something outrageously unflattering. She and her housemaid Esme, played by the glorious Marjorie Main, are distressed to discover that their two farm hands are leaving them for a better job. Honey, if your farm hands are closing in on their 80th birthdays, how hard can it be to take up the slack?

Regardless, she goes to visit her fiance, Orville (Eddie Bracken) and his meddling father to hit them up for a new tractor. They feel so bad for her that she has to run around in those hideous overalls, they immediately agree to give her one so they won't have to look at her.

This of course leads (like so many things) to her singing at the top of her lungs.

After singing and driving around in the real world for a while, she heads to the giant backlot set that is her farm, where she is shocked to discover pandemonium.

She tracks down her sister Abigail (Gloria DeHaven) who's clearly been set up as "the pretty one," which means we hate her on sight. Abigail introduces Jane to her boyfriend Joe, who's going to use the barn to mount Abigail.

A show! He's going to use the barn to mount a show. Judy is thrilled by neither prospect. She's all "Get your song-and-dance ass out of my barn! I've got cows to milk!"

Later Abigail has it out with Judy. "You don't care about me...blahblahblah!" Judy's all "Look, bitch. I'm the one who's been keeping this farm going while you traipse off to follow your latest dream and besides, look at the shitty clothes they keep putting me in! I look like a prison matron!"

Relenting, Judy heads down to the kitchen and tells the thrilled company that they can stay and put on their show...

...but they have to help her run the farm to earn their keep. They're none too thrilled about that, but Gene uses his unique charms to talk them into it:

Phil Silvers is annoying as hell but we'll never get tired of Gene Kelly's ass.

The next day as these hoofers and singers are fucking up the farm chores, Orville shows up. He's very concerned about what the rest of the town is going to think about Judy's little free-love commune here. Judy goes off with him to reassure him that she knows what she's doing and these folks are a great help to her on the farm.

Uh...yeah.

While they're destroying her tractor, she's reassuring Orville and his meddling father that it will all work out and they should stop being so damn judgmental. After all, aren't they using her barn tonight for a dance?

Why yes, they are. This town desperately needs some sort of social center.

Gene tells the company to sit in the rafters and stay out of the way. They smugly watch the bohunks fumble their way through a dance. We kinda want to slap those looks right off their faces.

Meanwhile, Gene is off with the cute skinny dancer whose name we can never remember trying to figure out how to salvage the tractor before Judy finds out about it.

Some bratty kid finds out about the tractor and Gene grabs Judy for a square dance so he won't tell her. What follows is the MGM form of foreplay:

People forget that in addition to her tremendous vocal skills, Judy was one HELL of a dancer. We keep playing this clip over and over and staring at their feet. She is step-for-step in line with Gene fucking Kelly, y'all.

Anyway, Orville and his father get all narrow-minded and judgmental on her ass and she gets pissed. "You know what? I'm taking that tractor right back tomorrow just so I don't have to listen to this shit anymore!"

Uh...yeah.

The next morning, Judy is PISSED. She stomps up to Abigail's room and yells at her. "Get your skinny lace-covered ass outta that bed and milk some fucking cows, you whore!"

When she stomps downstairs to abuse her guests, she's shocked (but we're not) to find that they bought her a brand new tractor.

When she discovers that Gene sold his car to pay for it, we start counting the minutes until they start making out.

Orville stops by to apologize for being such a narrow-minded prick but Judy tears into him instead. Oh yeah, commence making out with Gene. Any second now...

That night, like any farmer, she wanders around her barn in a dress and 4-inch heels, when Gene comes upon her and starts singing. We all know what that means, don't we kittens?

Yep. That's your sister's boyfriend, you little minx. Of course your sister's a skinny bitch with a better wardrobe, so who can blame you? Plus, you know...Gene Kelly's ass.

After making out with Gene in the barn, she heads into the house and agrees to set a date for the wedding with Orville. Sure it makes no sense, but the movie would be a lot shorter if they didn't set up SOME sort of conflict.

Gene overhears the whole thing and offers the least heartfelt congratulations you're ever going to hear. He tells her to just forget about the kiss in the barn and Judy's eyes do that Judy thing where they fill up with about a quart of water but never actually drop any tears.

How did she do that? Liza can do the same thing.

The next day, Abigail is being a hardcore bitch in rehearsals. There's a shock.

Later, she leaves a note telling them that she got a better offer in a show in New York and she's run off once again, leaving them without a leading lady. Whatever will they do?

It's cute how they even bothered to shoot a scene with Judy protesting. Like we're all supposed to believe that there's a possibility that she WON'T get up on stage.

Later, Marjorie Main, fresh in from her Mennonite meeting, tells Judy that the whole town is abuzz about the scandalous goings-on at the Falbury farm and there's a rumor that Orville vowed to shut down the show.

Judy shows a little spine and she storms into the town aldermen's meeting and informs Orville's father that if he tries anything, Orville's balls are going to get shredded in a farm equipment "accident."

What is an alderman anyway?

That night: Big Opening! We love that we're supposed to believe that this is taking place in a barn.

Gene's all "Look, you lisping queens, you can put her in any kind of ugly shit you want, but I did NOT sign on to look like a total dork."

The only reason we took this screencap is because this totally looks like something that should be on Planet Fabulon.

They look like a bowl of after dinner mints.

Anyway, strap yourselves in, darlings:


This is Judy at her JUDY-EST. What a fantastic, iconic performance. And yes, she's about 20 pounds thinner here because this was shot a month or two after the movie wrapped.

Orville shows up with Abigail (who is FABULOUSLY dressed) and informs Judy that she'll be taking over her part. Judy's all "Oh YEAH? Well FUCK OFF, because I'm killing them out there and besides, I want to make out with Gene a little more!"

Which she does. Abigail finally gets it and tries to talk Orville down. When he won't calm down, she knocks him out with her purse so the show can go on.

Which of course means, they immediately fall in love. We imagine their future marriage included a dungeon in the basement. Anyway, all's well that ends well. Time for Judy to put on yet another horrendously unflattering outfit:

And yet, somehow, Gene looks hot in it.

Don't mess with these bitches!

"The fourth season of Project Runway doesn't begin until December, but ELLE's style and market editors Kate Lanphear, Joann Pailey, and Francesca Mills couldn't wait to share what happened behind the scenes. Get a sneak peek of the design talent in LA, New York, Chicago, and Miami by reading their audition diaries."


Tim Gunn and Daniel Vosovic with the Project Runway panel.


Mara Reinstein and Sonjia Williams, auditioning designer.


Jonathan Joseph Peters, auditioning designer, with model.
Photos: Michael Loccisano/FilmMagic.com

"Some people came back multiple times, valiantly trying to win us over. It worked once or twice—we'd give people second chances—but there were a few people who wouldn't take "no" for an answer."

"By about halfway through the day, we had become so expert at reading body language and different looks that we were able to know instantly if someone was worth putting through to the next level."

"In New York, a lot of transvestites auditioned for the show. I'd say that was surprising, but, hey, it's New York. Also, some of the designers' models were transvestites."

"One contestant said he had gone to Parsons, but Tim picked up on the dates of attendance. Tim commented that that the designer said that he'd gone to the design school for much longer than he actually had. How could someone think they could pass this one off on the chair of Parsons?"

EDITED TO ADD: A fabulous little unnamed birdie informs us that Elle got the date wrong. No date has been set for when the show will air, but it will air in the 4th quarter.

On the...uh...Off-White Carpet with the Judges.

Darlings, New York Mag has even more pictures from the CFDA event, and we figured we'd rip on every PR guest judge we could find.

Zac Posen:

No. Absolutely not. First off, it looks like it's at least one size too small. Secondly, it looks like an upholstered couch - in 1960.

Betsey Johnson:

We can't believe we're saying this, but she looks FABULOUS. Killer shoes, girl! Not so much on the hair, but come on, she's Betsey Johnson.

Catherine Malandrino:

Fabuleuse! Gorgeous color. Just one thing: Is she pregnant? Because if she's not, then we have quibbles with the proportions on this thing.

Fern Mallis:

Fern darling, you're fabulous, but you forgot the primary rule: Dress for your body type. A size zero might be able to pull this off, but honey, you're no size zero.

Vera Wang:

God, are you even TRYING? She looks like she works at a daycare center.

Well SOMEONE has to defend her.

Now that Shear Genius is done, we wanted to get back to the kinds of posts we envisioned for this blog when we first started out: bitchy, judgmental screeds about whatever pops into our heads. We're a couple weeks late on this topic, but that's fine by us. We never did like being on the bandwagon at the same time as everyone else. What topic are we referring to? Rosie.

Here's the thing: we don't get why she engenders such rage in people. Actually, we'll amend that: we get why; we just don't like what it says about our culture.

Look, she's no saint and as spokespeople for causes go, she often does more harm than good. There never seems to be anyone willing to support her. Everyone has an opinion about her and no one seems to have a good one, not even the people who are ostensibly on the same side of whatever issue she's mouthing off about.

But we like Rosie. Not enough to fantasize about being BFFs, because even we have to admit, she's a handful and she doesn't exactly come off as stable most of the time. No, she's not someone we'd enjoy being stuck with in an elevator, but that's not the point.

The point (well, one of them) is, in an age of increasingly packaged, plastic celebrities, she is blessedly, refreshingly real. She says whatever pops into her head and she says what she really thinks, consequences be damned. That means of course, that she's going to say some really stupid and offensive things every now and then, like the infamous "ching-chong." The crime is not that she says offensive or inflammatory things; the crime (if you can call it that) is that she stubbornly digs in her heels and refuses to back down from them, even when it's clear that she inadvertantly offended some group of people. Any one of us have had thoughts that, if we expressed them to millions of people, would naturally offend some of them.

But even that's not our main point. As trite as it sounds, if she were a man, not only would her behavior not be controversial, it would almost certainly be lauded and virtually no one would respond to "his" points by pointing out how unattractive or fat "he" is. THAT's the point. And that bothers the shit out of us. It is the 21st fucking century, people, and we should be far, FAR beyond the point where women are held to different rhetorical standards than men.

To be honest, we admire her just for getting out of bed some mornings. We can't imagine what it must be like to constantly have the press and the public calling for your head or making nasty comments about your appearance simply because you had the nerve to have an opinion and the courage to express it. Don't get us wrong, we're not trying to pass off a "poor little Rosie" argument here. As with so many multi-millionaire celebrities, our sympathy has its limits because she can always cry herself to sleep on her bags of money, secure in the knowledge that no matter what, she can always get her name in the papers and get people talking about her.

But as we said, we like Rosie for being totally who she is in a time and place where who she is - an overweight, non-heterosexual woman - is still considered fair game for open ridicule. As much as she sticks her foot in her mouth and says things that make us cringe, we'll take her over so-desperate-to-be-loved-it's-nauseating Ellen any day of the week.

Ro, you keep mouthing off. We may not always like what you say or how you say it, but the fact that you say it at all is a testament to your bravery and your convictions.

CFDA 2007 Fashion Awards and the PR Connection

"In its effort to recognize the outstanding contributions made to American fashion by individual from all areas of the industry and related arts, the CFDA hosts the annual CFDA Fashion Awards. Awards are given for journalism, creative vision and lifetime achievement."

More here and here.

But enough of that. What about the clothes, darlings?


Heidi in Michael Kors (which sounds so dirty). Hmmm. Not so much. Actually, if it weren't for the got-my-sleeve-caught-in-the-limo-door look, this dress would be hot.


The Duchess with Debra Messing. He cleans up well, doesn't he?


She's also wearing Michael Kors and we have to say, she looks stunning. It's a gorgeous dress and the color looks beautiful on her. She's always held up as some sort of fashionista, but we think she's usually more miss than hit. This would be a hit.

Anyone else sick to death of those "Starter Wife" commercials, by the way?


La Nina. Fabulous.


If this dress were on anyone else, we'd be ripping it to shreds because, let's face it, she looks like a centerpiece at a baby shower. But this is Diane Von Furstenburg, bitches, and she can wear whatever the hell she damn well likes because she could wrap herself in toilet paper and still come off looking fabulous.


Lorenzo doesn't like Iman's dress, but this is another instance of someone so flippin' fabulous that she could pick her outfit out of the quarter bins at Goodwill and still wind up looking better than anyone else in the room.

David? You are looking tired, girl.